Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
