I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My ass is underappreciated
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
