oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
