i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
