im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
