dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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