so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
