actually, I'm a sock model
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I party with great urgency now.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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