I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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