You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?