Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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