Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
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Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
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Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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