Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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