i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
