Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
