I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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