had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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