umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There r osticjed everywhere
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
