She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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