i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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