Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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