i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
