I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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