i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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