You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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