my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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