About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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