sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
