onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to calm my uterus...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
