I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
