where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
