i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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