My pussy is not your playground.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
