i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm bleeding and have questions
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