She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MIDGETS
????
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize