My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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