hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
