Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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