maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
