I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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