Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am naked and annoyed.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize