just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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