see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
