i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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