got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
