There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
