Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
