i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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