You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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