You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
