k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
