Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
