I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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