I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
