and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
