trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
