I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
